is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
