I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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