I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
