Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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