dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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