oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
