I am spending my child support on dildos
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
