Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
