The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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