New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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