Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
