Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
