if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize