Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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