I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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