All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
