did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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