sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We are all done wearing pants today
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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