In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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