A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
