god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
