we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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