when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
