You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
