you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize