why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
