Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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