i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
