My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
