it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
