We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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