He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
