there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
