it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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