buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize