im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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