Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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