Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
