she is the kim kardashian of front butts
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The uberlube is also flammable
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
