I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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