i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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