in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
