I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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