Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
