Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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