She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
