True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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