just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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