Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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