hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
