I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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