Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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