And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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