There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
