The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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