Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
