He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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