My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
