I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
