dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
