I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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