I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
