Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
