You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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