My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
