I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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